Everything has been so great, but today I'm really feeling funky. I miss Mark and I miss having my family together, but I have also begun to feel a lot of anxiety about student teaching. I recognize that I have a lot of insecurities, and those insecurities make me question so many of the decisions I make in the classroom. My CT is full of amazing information and she has such a strong connection to the students. I feel completely intimidated by that and just don't know how I could ever be "that good."
I'm not even sure exactly of what I'm supposed to be doing for the university. I know a couple of student teachers at another school who have been given a calendar by their principal of when they need to have certain things done. I haven't had that so I'm still trying to figure it out. I also know two other student teachers who have already been observed twice since we've started! I feel completely unprepared to be observed right now, and I just feel like I suck :-(
That being said, I came home and cried a little today. I understand the stages of culture shock and I know that homesickness is something that is normal, but I feel more than that. I found myself google-ing "failed student teaching" to see if it's happened to anyone. I probably shouldn't have done that because it has really happened and now I'm super scared that it will happen to me. Layne, not knowing what I was doing on my laptop, came over and said, "let me see your computer." I didn't resist, and he pulled up this youtube video and told me to watch it.
Some of you may know that Layne is a Brony (a guy that follows My Little Pony) and he always tells me that I am just like Twilight Sparkle. In fact, his favorite episode of how I'm like Twilight Sparkle is one where she is not feeling useful for the Winter Wrap Up. But, when she finds out that the event is completely unorganized, she perks up and gets really excited. That really does sound like something I would do. Anyway, here's the link to the video he made me watch...it was so sweet that I cried again, but this time I was crying because I raised such a thoughtful and kind young man....
http://youtu.be/FAjN_kz095I
That was just too sweet. You really have prepared, so hold your head high! You could not possibly fail! It just won't happen.
ReplyDeleteDon't worry...I think most good teachers and teachers in the making feel like they are frauds or inadequate many times in their careers. I would check with your university supervisor for a schedule. Pick something specific about your CT and ask her how she developed that skill. Ask her to suggest a skill or technique for you to focus on in the next week. Nobody can do everything well all at once! If you weren't any good, you wouldn't be concerned about your teaching.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for your kind words! Those are great suggestions. I think I'll ask her about how she developed some of her skills. Unfortunately, I think the answer will be "you just develop them with time and experience," so I've still got a ways to go to get there. Again, thanks for the advice!
DeleteAlways remind yourself that, even for many of us veteran teachers, student teaching was just so very difficult. I worked long hours yet never felt sure of myself. Be honest with your CT; tell her how much you admire her and want to be like her and ask her to give you small hints for achieving that goal. I loved the My Little Pony story--it sounds like you have so much to offer. Keep your chin up.
ReplyDeleteYour sister posted about you on TNet. Sorry you're feeling rough - this too shall pass. Let me tell you ALL of us have had these crises of confidence when we feel totally unprepared and inadequate. It's a part of being a conscientious teacher, especially a trainee one when everything is so new. You care and that is half the battle; the other half is carrying on, just carrying on. Use your CT - first tell her how you feel, she will understand having been there herself. Next, ask her for advice, especially if there is one thing in particular that she can help with. Next, contact the university for a schedule of expectations and/or ask the other students for a copy of theirs.
ReplyDeleteBelieve that there are people all over the world (I'm in the UK) wishing you well.
Keep on keeping on, it really is the key.
Blessings on your young one who sounds wonderful.
Hey Trina! I just saw this on Yahoo tonight and thought maybe you could share it with Layne. It seems that being a Bronie is becoming quite the thing! :D
ReplyDeletehttp://news.yahoo.com/blogs/sideshow/a-new-look-at-the-brony-culture-215048070.html