On the bus on the way to school, I overheard a few of the other student teachers talking about the parties they were going to have today. They said they'd overheard a few students talking and it was supposed to be a surprise, but they knew about it anyway. I was a little taken aback because I hadn't heard my students doing anything of the such. If my class was going to do something like that, I guess it was possible that they kept it a secret, but not likely. I love surprises, but it's very rare when one actually occurs that I didn't know about. It just seems that some little detail gets overlooked and I'm able to figure it out before the surprise. I decided that I would know for sure once I made it to my classroom. If they were going to have a party, I was sure to see some cookies or a kid with a cake or something. When I got to the class, it was business as usual, no signs of any goodies or love, and I was saddened that my class had opted not to do a party.
My morning was very slow...the students took a test and I worked on my laptop filling out job applications. The more I worked on applications, the sadder I got. I mean, why did I mean so little to them? I put my heart and soul into this classroom and to be discounted as if my time here didn't matter at all really hurt. One or two students mentioned in passing...you won't be here anymore? Oh, that's right...today's your last day. They were so nonchalant about it.
I've told you before that the students are gone from 10:15 - 12:00 every day. They leave for Spanish at 10:15, they have recess from 11:00 - 11:30, and then lunch from 11:30 - 12:00. Today, when the students left to go to Spanish....I actually cried a little. I had to wipe the tears before anyone came back into the classroom and "caught" me being weak. I literally told myself out loud to "get it together, Trina"...I started telling myself that these people don't matter...that I'll never see them again...that if they didn't like me or my teaching, I'd get over it. Then, I blew my nose and decided to just try to have the best rest of the day that I could.
I had emailed the principal a few days ago asking if he'd be willing to write me a recommendation letter. I hadn't heard back from him so I asked my CT what that might mean. Either he thinks I'm terrible and doesn't want to write a recommendation for me or he's swamped and just hasn't been able to respond to my email. Of course, at this point I'm thinking that I'm just a terrible teacher and he doesn't want to write a letter for me, but my CT told me he's been really busy, and that I should just not worry about getting one from him.
A few minutes later, she left the classroom for a few minutes and then returned. She said that she ran into the principal down the hall and that he asked if I'd come talk to him at 10:55. I was scared, but hopeful at the same time. I went to his office where he asked me a lot of questions about my intentions as a teacher, but he was very kind in saying that he'd be glad to write a recommendation letter for me. That really cheered me up and put me in a joking mood. On the way back to class I decided I'd tell my CT that he said I was a terrible teacher and that there was no way he'd write a recommendation for me. I smiled to myself thinking about kidding with her.
As I rounded the corner to our class, I saw a few kids that I knew. It was recess and they were hanging around as usual. These students aren't in my class, but I know them from seeing them around so I talked with them and gave high fives...feeling much better than I was feeling just an hour before. Our classroom is one that is usually overrun with students during recess. They like to come in and out of the room, so I've built relationships with students from other classes, too. It was a nice moment.
I opened the door to our classroom and the first thing I saw was our class carpet all bundled up. Since it's recess, and students come in and out of our room, the first thing I thought was, "what are these crazy kids doing under this dirty rug?" No sooner did the thought complete in my mind did ALL of the other students jump out from behind desks and shout,"SURPRISE!!!!"
Can I tell you I was completely surprised. Not only did I not have a clue that they'd planned anything, but I'd had my feelings hurt thinking that they didn't care about me. I didn't even see the students hiding behind the desks. I was completely shocked! I don't know when they planned it, how I never heard about it, or how they were able to keep it such a secret, but I was truly surprised this time. The kids were so loving and kind...they hugged me, told me they'd miss me, and even gave me a gift. Here's the poster they made for me...
The very best part of the day, however, occurred at the very end. I was waiting for the other student teachers and two of my students were leaving for the day. They hugged me again and said they were going to miss me. They said I had been really nice and that they'd learned a lot from me. I asked, "did you really?" because I truly wanted to know if I had impacted their learning. One of the students was very serious when she replied with YES! She said they'd worked on figurative language in her Spanish class, and even though Spanish is her native language, she never really understood what it was. Then, she said when I began the unit on figurative language in English class, she was "like, ohhhh, THAT'S what it is!" (her words) and that she truly understood what figurative language is and how someone might use it in their writing.
And that, my friends, is the best gift a teacher of any kind could ever receive. Goodbyes are hard, but knowing that my efforts have reached even one child is what makes this all worth while. These people DO matter to me very much...and I hope that I will one day see some of them again...and to be honest, I'm not sure if I would actually get over it if they didn't like me or my teaching. I hope and pray that I've reached others, but knowing that I've reached even one makes me smile and feel accomplished at the end of the day. I'm truly going to miss these little guys.
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